Assume the Position

2006-09-30T06:44:00.000-04:00

Assume the Position

Hello, my pets....yes, I've been neglecting you all, and I'm so very sorry. But, I've brought a new blog for you to check out. I was turned onto this one by my friends at Medialine.com and this story is enough to make me see red!!!! The fact that harassment of female officers is still alive and kicking is enough to make me power puke. In fact, it brings back many, many painful memories.

2006-06-14T14:06:00.000-04:00

It's Wednesday, so it must be time for more asskicking...

Yes, my friends, it is that time again...that special, exciting time that I can let loose and free my inner bitch to run wild. This time, I'll let the customers alone. It's time to talk about a few of the people I work with that are in desperate need of an ass-kicking:

Rotten hostess-twat: Look, it's bad enough that you are obviously fucking evil. The fact that you are ugly as sin and refuse to crack a smile is bad enough, but I REALLY do not need to see you sucking face with your boyfriend from the kitchen when I turn a corner and unexpectedly run into the two of you dry-humping each other. Because of you, I may never be able to have sex, again. Oh, and the way you make sure that you seat me so that I'm fucked, have you gotten the clue yet that the bussers are in cahoots with me to foil your plans of shoving it up my ass every chance you get? Yep, sweetie, that's right....hard to fucking seat someone when the tables don't get cleared until I say so...and listening to you get bitched at by customers because they can't get seated just makes me warm and fuzzy inside.
Maybe next time you walk outside to hang all over kitchen-boy and see me on a smoke break, you'll freaking TELL me that you just triple-seated me, you rotten fucking twat.

Nazi-server-ho: I think that you have finally realized that the unholy light that you see in my eyes every time I see you is a clue that I'd love to rip out your throat and shit down your lung cavity. Here's another clue: You are NOT a fucking manager. You will never BE a fucking manager. Everyone that you work with hates you and thinks that you are pathetic. No one gives a fuck about the stupid shit you write on the whiteboard that you triumphantly proclaim are "inside jokes". I hate to break it to you...but YOU are the inside joke. Now, begone before I erase you like I do your stupid drivel on the whiteboard. (Ha, that really pisses you off, huh?)
Oh, one more piece of advice...if you ever make some comment about giving me an employee handbook again, I vow that I will shove it up your ass sideways. Smiling. While I do it.

2006-06-10T05:49:00.000-04:00

Waiting...

Some of you are aware that I've taken a part-time job waiting tables at a pretty well-known chain restaurant. I thought it was truly going to suck big-time, but the fact of the matter is that I'm having a helluva good time. I work with a kick-ass group of people...and the company isn't that bad, either. But, I would not be your bitch goddess unless I had some ass-kicking to do. So, without further ado:

1) I swear to all that is holy and almighty that if one more cheap motherfucker comes in and asks for "just a glass of water with lemon", I'm going to cram it down their fucking throat.
Let me give you a clue, fucknut....you are drinking CITY NASTY-ASS fucking water, m'kay? This is the rotten drivel that even the ghetto rats won't consume. So, go ahead, you cheap fuck....suck ir down, I hope you choke on the lemon, you ignorant inbred asshole.

Um, here's another clue...this chain has a famous "all you can eat" thing that people normally get for lunch. Here's the catch, the lazy, fat fucks order this and say to me, "I'm gonna make it easy and get..."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, let's think about this. If I am running my simple ass off to get you unlimited fucking refills, it is NOT an EASY thing. As a result, I expect you to fairly compensate me for the time I've spent running around to fulfill your every fucking need. Don't go by the cheap ass bill because you got the special with fucking city water. PAY FOR ME RUNNING MY ASS OFF, YOU CHEAP FUCK!

I need to give the "Foot up the ass" award to the stupid fucking Flyer's fan, his ugly ass wife and their inbred kid I waited on today. First, these stupid morons order.......wait for it..............................
YES, city fucking water! For their snot-nosed kid, too. I give the brat a kiddie cup that is charged 75 cents for and goes with the kid's meal. Like I'm going to hand your hyper-active, inbred retard kid a large glass object with fluid in it. NO!
Then, you backwards, cheap fucks order two entrees and say, "we'll share with the kid".
Uh...okay. (You skinflint fucks.)
So, you share the salad with your mongrel child and then have the fucking nerve to give me shit about charging 75 cents for the kiddie cup? How bout I slam your simple ass with the $4 for the fucking salad?
THEN, you have the fucking nerve to bitch that your inbred child needs mints and you leave me $2 on a $30 bill.

Fuck you, you rotten cocksucker. No wonder you are part of those losing inbred fucks that cheer for the Flyers. You have no class and I hope you slide under a fucking bus.

2006-05-10T01:38:00.000-04:00

What the HELL is wrong with the Amish?

Today, a three year old little boy was killed. He wasn't hit by a car...he didn't sucumb to an illness or anything else you might think that would befall a child of that age. This little guy was killed while riding on a horse-drawn manure spreader with his two year old brother. The poor little tyke somehow fell onto the feed belt of the spreader and was propelled underneath, basically ending up covered by a heavy layer of shit.
This is the second incident of this type, in as many months. The last one was another small child that was sent inside a grinder by his father....who then turned it on before checking to see that the boy was out!
I think that these two horrible deaths are textbook examples of "endangering the welfare of a child".
How many more children must die in gory farm machinery deaths until something is done to stop this?

2006-04-25T04:37:00.000-04:00

The Agony of "dese" feet!

I ran into someone the other night that informed me that we had a mutual friend....my old ice hockey coach. He's a great guy...he taught me a lot about skating and goaltended. This person told me that I should give the coach a call...so I did.
Coach called me back within minutes and asked if I was available to play a scrimmage that evening. I agreed.
Now, I haven't played since early 2002. I had two spinal surgeries to recover from....none of them were related to hockey....just police work. As a result, I was pretty damn nervous about playing. And, there was to be a news crew there, filming us for some story. I figured it would be good comedy TV if they happened to get me.
It was so great to see the gals....I was very impressed by some of the improvements I observed in some of the players. Coach must have been cracking the whip.
I arrived at the rink and lugged in my humongous bag of goalie gear. Let me tell you....this stuff smelled EVIL! I hadn't had a chance to air it out on such short notice.
I'm embarassed to admit that I forgot how to use the ties on the toe of the leg pads. This resulted in me taking a few face plants on the ice when I ran over one of them.
However, I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly it all came back to me. I certainly didn't give a Brodeur performance, but I was still happy about the result.
We didn't keep score, I was the only goalie and I played half of the time with one team and then switched nets.
Now.....I feel like every part of my body has been beaten to within an inch of paralysis.
I will link the news clip here if they put it on the site.

I need to go pray for death, now.

2006-04-08T13:17:00.000-04:00

A Courtesy Flush, Please!

I finally played poker "live". I saw a tournament that was being advertised on the sign of a local bar for Thursday nights, so I wandered in and gave it a try. There were 18 people that showed up to play and I was one of two women. My very first hand was a K/10 and the flop was A/Q/J! Two of the guys went all-in....heh, I took 'em out with a sweet smile.

I stayed in until there were only two tables left and got knocked out on a bad beat in 11th place. I had pocket Aces...the other guy scored a flush, Jack high on the river......grrrrrr! But, I had a really good time!

2006-04-06T00:03:00.000-04:00

Assume the Position: ReLaunch!

Okay, I'm not proud...I'll gladly confess that I have been seriously jonesing to blog. I tried to do it myself, and I was able to get most of what I wanted done, until I screwed up the whole thing! I put out a plea on the TMMB and an Intoxicated Wombat came to my rescue! {Scootah...I don't care what they say about you....you are on my list of fantasy wombats!} Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!!!!! *MUAH*
So....welcome to the NEW "Assume The Position"!

2006-03-09T18:04:00.000-05:00

Springing into a New Look

After getting a heaping helping of abuse from IT2M, I redesigned my blog. I still have some tweaking to do and I would appreciate any feedback about what you like and what you think really sucks. Writing code for a blog was a completely different thing than it is for my forum and I'm actually pretty shocked that I was able to get this far.

Speaking of "new looks", I watched FX's "Black/White", last night. For those of you that are not familiar with the show, it is about one white family and one black family that switch races through the miracles of make-up and special effects. It was amazing to see how this was done. I can't imagine how freaky it would be to look in the mirror and see myself as a black person. I admit that the idea is intriguing and it's something that I would love to have the opportunity to do. During the show, I found myself frequently cringing when the white husband and wife would say or do things that were obviously stereotypical and insulting. There was a particular scene where the black husband is in his "white person" make-up and was working as a bartender in a "white" bar/area that made me very uncomfortable and embarassed for my race. A white patron was telling the pseudo-white guy that the neighborhood was the "last bastion for white people in LA" and that because it was only whites, it would be "safe" to raise children.

I would have LOVED to have seen that guy's face when he found out. I hope that they show reactions like that, later in the show. "Black/White" is on FX at 10pm EST on Wednesday nights. It is definitely worth a look!

2006-02-25T15:55:00.000-05:00

A Walk on the Wild Side

This afternoon, I spent some time with a few packs of wolves. I stumbled across a site that is dedicated to a private wolf sanctuary only a few minutes from my home. Of course, I was unable to rest until I had made arrangements to visit. In order to protect these wonderful animals from people that might harm or harass them, the address is not on the site and all tours are by appointment.

There were several different types of wolves present, including some that are almost extinct. One of the most fascinating sights was a litter of 10 week old wolf cubs who were doing their best to copy everything the adult wolves were doing.

If you are planning to be in central PA, I urge you to put this on your list as a "must" visit!

2006-02-24T11:30:00.000-05:00

Asshole or Nice Guy?

This morning, I caught the end of an interview of Shani Davis on the Today show. There was a brief reference to some statement that Shani had released that referred to the general public as being prejudiced. The reason for this was because such notice had been made of Shani's lack of visible excitement after winning a gold medal. I thought I had heard something about people likening Shani to the fabled "sullen black man". I wanted to make sure of this, so I went on a search to find this statement by Shani Davis...more on that in a moment.

I watched the race that Shani Davis won. Go ahead and call me a geek, but I was cheering like crazy. I was so excited that a young man that grew up in poor circumstances with a single mother had made it so far. I was able to identify with Shani because of that. The fact that he had become the first black athlete to win an individual gold medal at the Winter Olympics was just icing on the cake. I was dumbfounded when I watched his interview following the race. Like it or not, he did act like some sullen, pissed off, rotten attitude asshole...no matter what color his skin. I wondered at the time (and still do) if Shani suffers from Asperger's syndrome.

So...I went on a search for Shani's statement. I found a site that claims to be officially Shani's. Imagine my shock when I found an announcement that starts with this:

U.S. Speedskating and Chad Hedrick need to be exposed for their satanic plot.

WHAT THE FUCK? Is this shit for real? When I thought it couldn't get any more outrageous, I find this at the end:

Hey, guys, there's a new game in the U.S.!! Destroy the Black Athlete

Hmm...I vote for asshole.

2006-02-23T12:24:00.000-05:00

Thrashin' Thursday!

Someone please tell me what the flying fuck this "curling" shit is supposed to be? How is this an Olympic sport? If you don't break a sweat while doing it, it is not a fucking sport! The least they could do is hurl the damn things at each other and make it a bit more exciting.

Um...news break. Please, please explain to me why a fugly looking asshole thinks it would be perfectly okay to dress up like a woman when he is an elementary school teacher? Kids are screwed up enough these days without someone bringing this shit into an elementary school. Hey "Lily", wanna make a real statement? Go teach high school looking like that...you fucking freak. Let's see how "accepted" you'll be. Oh, and before anyone jumps my ass about intolerance, I don't give a flaming SHIT what you do in your sex life as long as it doesn't involve kids or small furry animals. BUT...when you first teach little kids as a man, you don't return as a woman to fuck up their little minds. Public school does NOT mean "anything goes". Keep your sex life out of the school.

*Sigh* George, what the FUCK were you thinking? Man, I love you...I worked my ass off for you during each election, but I just can't figure out what kind of crack you were smoking when you thought we wouldn't care if you turned over American ports to Arabs. If I were you, I'd hand Dick a shotgun and let him go hunting, again. It might get the spotlight off this colossal fuck-up.

Goddess gem: How do you reason with a 70 lb., 8 month old puppy? He can't grasp the fact that he is too big to be a lap dog.

2006-02-20T20:17:00.000-05:00

Get off your ass and DO this!

Someone from the PoliceHub.com forum posted a site that is doing a program called Hero to Hero that is a morale booster for the troops. They are asking for Police, Corrections, EMS and Fire members to donate the shirts off their backs to the soldiers. You know all of those department shirts that sit in your drawer? Take a few of them, write an inspirational and/or supportive message and send it to the Hero2Hero folks to send to our troops. Also, you don't have to be an emergency worker to get involved; if you have a shirt with your town name on it, write a message and send that! They can also use monetary donations to help with packing and postage.
This is such a small thing to do and it will mean so much. Help me by spreading the word on this program.

2006-02-20T01:10:00.000-05:00

Groundpiggies, Rat-Bastard Squirrels, and the tortures of running.

Any one of you that is one of those freaks that lives for running ridiculous distances without a realization that you are insane, please lean closer to the screen for TG. That's it, c'mere, just a little closer....

URGGGGHR! Yeah, bitch...I have you by your obnoxious nose/ear/hair/nipple/whatever I could grab! Listen to me, very carefully...you rotten fucks have something seriously wrong with you that you ENJOY this running shit. You all need your heads bashed together until you wake up to reality!

Holy cunt-monkeys...I HATE to run...but, yes, I am still doing it and no...I have still not smoked. I didn't think it was possible for me to become any more of a flaming bitch than I already was, but I've managed to exceed even my own expectations.

Yeah, I'm so proud.

Next issue: Hey, Octarara and Punxetawny (or however the fuck you spell it) PA! Don't you think it might be time to go out and trap yourself a new, fat groundpiggy to replace that dead, moth-eaten thing that you drag out of the cellar every 2nd of February? Here's a clue: when even small children are freaked out by the disgustingness of Phil the groundpiggy, it is time to cremate the little furry fuck and get ya a new one. In fact, I have the perfect specimen for you. I have one of the fattest, roly-poly groundpiggies that you could ever ask for...and the best part is, the damn thing is so freaking stupid. He waddles his fat ass across my yard at what he thinks is Warp Factor 3 with his huge hindquarters bouncing all over the place and dragging him to one side or another. He finally slams into the bottom of the deck where he proceeds to get stuck because his fat ass can't fit going out. When the dumb shit does this, I get treated to a chorus of groundpiggy obscenities. I'm actually glad the prick is stuck by that point.

Oh...before any animal lovers write to me so they can bitch, let me say this:

Fuck you and your whiny-ass, tree-hugging, paint-throwing, wussy-ass bullshit!
To make sure it is clear: FUCK YOU, TWICE!

I know it doesn't sound like it, but I really do love my groudpiggy. It's the squirrels that need to die a screaming death while choking on their own blood. If you saw the destruction that the mangy little fucks did, you would understand. These little bastards do a few interesting tricks. They chew the hell out of anything important that you might lock away and they can queeze into. Thier second special trick is to unfailingly decide to sacrifice one of themselves on any night that you have some special TV watching planned. One of them will throw themselves into a trasformer causing it to explode and plunge several neighborhoods into darkness. If you listen closely, you can hear them tittering while the husbands and fathers are howling their frustration at the ceiling.
The final special squirrel trick is that they are constantly horny. I don't know why the the phrase "fucks like bunnies" got started. I've never seen bunnies doing the nasty (except for my step-mother's freak of nature "Bun-Bun" that assraped a cat...but that's another story.) I have seen squirrels humping each other on a regular basis.
If it isn't bad enough that the little shits are constantly fucking, they also get help from our neighborhood fuckwit: Squirrel Man.
Squirrel Man imports more squirrels into the neighborhood. He traps them at his father's house and brings them to this development so that he can have a "Born Free" moment. I am accepting any and all suggestions to stop this moron. So far I have:

impaled dead squirrels on the tree in front of my house, placed "just so" for when Squirrel Man takes his walk past my house.
I have lined up the dead furry fucks on top of the trasformer with their heads hanging backwards so that they can fix Squirrel Man with a death gaze.

I guess the next thing is to put on my redneck gear, walk over to Squirrel Man's house next time I see him outside and start the following conversation:

Me: Hey Squirrel Man! Can you bring me some new squirrels soon? If you can, bring some faster ones...this group didn't do very well at target practice and I got'em all."

2006-02-12T15:43:00.000-05:00

USA USA USA USA USA USA (say it with me, y'know you want to...)

I am unashamedly a huge fan of the Olympics. It may be because I can clearly recall special moments, times shared by my family as we watched and cheered on our athletes. It also may be because my father had been asked to be on the US Olympic Weightlifting team in the 1960's. I know that the first time I ever watched an ice hockey game, it was the BIG game between the USA and USSR. I can still see Herb Brooks standing behind the players' bench and the "dogpile" on the ice when we won. I remember seeing a tiny Russian gymnast that performed as if gravity did not affect her, receiving perfect scores.
Okay...okay...okay, I confess that I love watching the figure skating. Like most little girls, I was fascinated by my peers that were so perfect that they were able to compete on a world stage. This was also my first real glimpse at people from other countries. Remember, it wasn't so long ago that anything to do with the USSR was swathed in secrecy. To a small child, the idea that an entire country of people live behind an "iron curtain" is something that is frightening and fascinating.

(Okay....this is fucking IT! Blogger ate another damn post. FUCK.)

2006-02-10T11:33:00.000-05:00

Addiction, Rocking out and being a bitch....

I finally did it....I've quit the nasty. I am an ex-smoker.

It wasn't something that I scheduled. I just decided to do it. And, yes, I'm doing it cold turkey. One thing that helps is that I have a "bite guard" for TMJ. I wear that constantly and it helps. I'm running...and yes, it sucks.

I.
Fucking.
Hate.
To.
Run.
Period.

I want to CUT people that can run their asses off. They are usually such SMUG bastards. Makes me want to stick my foot out as they motor past me.

I traded one addiction for another. There's a group of my online friends that have become hooked on poker. We live for freerolls. Freerolls are poker games that are free to enter and you can win money.

I think we need to join Freerolls Anonymous...before the cyber leg-breakers find us.

Goddess gem: Thank God for my mp3 player. There's something therapeutic about screaming the words to "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Ethridge.
Simon would not be sending my tone-deaf ass to Hollywood.

2006-02-06T02:24:00.000-05:00

YAY STEELERS!!!

Thank God that SOMEONE is winning in Pittsburgh!

2006-02-03T12:09:00.000-05:00

Boy, are we fucked!

It's a crying shame that we are quickly losing a national treasure. There is a generation of American women that has always personified grace, culture and courage. No matter how ugly life could become we were always able to look to these women to see how we should act in our own lives. Jackie Kennedy Onassis was one of them and now, we have lost another...Coretta King. These women went through some of the most awful things that occur in life and still managed to do it in a way that is still held up as a standard to the rest of us. When I think about the pressures that Mrs. King had to face as the very public wife of a black leader at the forefront of the civil rights movement, it makes my angst over having to blaze trails as a female police officer seem so trivial. You have to remember that a large amount of ignorant crackers thought nothing of physically or verbally attacking black people during that time period. In some areas, it was an accepted and "socially correct" behavior. It is something that really boggles the mind when contrasted with today. I truly believe that it had to be more difficult to be the wife of MLK because of the added pressure of being a woman and having to respond to morons in a ladylike manner. They don't make 'em like Coretta King and Jackie O., anymore, and that is a loss for all of us.
This point was never so glaringly evident than with the debacle at the State of the Union speech, this week. I don't care how you feel about our President, when you are attending an important function within a forum that represents this country's most serious duties, you accord the proper respect to which it is due. I'm not referring to Cindy Sheehan...fuck her, I expected her to act like some moron. However, I certainly expected more from the wife of a US congressman!
Lady, I don't care if it WAS a display of support for our troops...what fucking possessed you to think that it was perfectly okay to wear a T-SHIRT to the State of the Union speech? Does your husband's congressional district consist of nothing but trailer parks and Jerry Springer watching white trash? You'd certainly better hope so, because that's about the only people that should be voting for him. You need to be apologizing to his constituents for being such an embarassing, stupid twat. It reminds me of the dumbasses that would show up to court in a t-shirt, jeans and baseball hat and then wonder why the judge tore them a dozen more assholes. It's pretty obvious from your behavior that you have little respect for the things that your husband is supposed to be representing (oh yeah...he's just as fucking bad for publically ranting about your freedom of speech), I sincerely hope that the voters give you a new shirt:
"I went to Congress and acted like an ass...and all I got was this stupid t-shirt."

Each of you probably knows a woman that typifies that wonderful, classy generation: a mother, grandmother, aunt, friend or even mentor. Do me a favor...call, visit or write to her. Tell her that she is a true treasure- before it is too late.

Goddess gem: Granny, I miss you so.

2006-02-03T11:57:00.000-05:00

FUCK YOU, BLOGSPOT!

Blogspot ate my list of the next 50. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the rotten program eats this post, too. So, Blogspot...simply because you sucketh to the infinite power, I am awarding you with a special Friday ass-whipping. If you possessed an anal cavity, I would have my foot implanted up to my hip.

That is all.

Goddess wonders.... Hmm, it must truly be a sign that my beloved Pens are playing REALLY badly when I don't even get horny watching, anymore.

2006-01-23T21:05:00.000-05:00

Weird and Wonderful Goddess Gems

I enjoyed reading Damian's and Laurie's lists so much that I figured I would give it a shot. I'll be surprised if I can make it to 100 (or if you even think it's interesting enough to read all of it). Eh, what the hell...

Since I've been involved with a "poop war" with Laurie, I'll share this: I am lucky if I take a shit once every two or three weeks. In other words, I am literally full of shit.
Watching Ice Hockey makes me hot...so does Boxing. In fact...if you take me to a boxing match or a hockey game, you will either put out or make sure I'm well-stocked in batteries.
I can eat my weight in snow crab legs. It's normally a good idea not to get too close to me when there are crab legs around...I might hurt you if I think you're mackin' on my food.
I once did a heart massage. Putting my hand inside another human being's chest and actually holding their heart was an incredible experience.
I have been stalked, numerous times. One of my stalkers followed me around while I was on patrol and tried to get me to shoot her. She believed that if I killed her, she would"become" me.
I entered a beauty pageant on a dare...and won two national titles.
I like to fart. Loudly. It makes me happy.
I truly believe that tuna fish is a byproduct of the AntiChrist. If you bring some near me, I will cut you.
One of my fondest wishes is to travel to Europe.
I used to live in a building that was used as a hospital during the Battle of Gettysburg. I shared my home with a very mischievous ghost.
I count as one of my greatest experiences ever the time I had the opportunity to play with, hold and feed a bottle to an African Lion cub.
I ran into Bob Dylan in a hotel elevator. When we were talking, we realized that we were both heading to separate performances. He actually wished me luck in conducting at Drum Corps Assoc. World Championships.
I got freaky with one of the Kinks.
I can play any musical instrument but the strings.
As a result of my involvement in the prosecution of a nationally known case, I had the opportunity to meet the Pittsburgh Penguins at a private party and I held the Stanley Cup. (And, so began my obsession with hockey...)
I would do anything to have my Granny back. She was the biggest influence on my life. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her.
One of the hardest things I've ever done was to take my German Shephard, Bridget, to be put to sleep. Though I know it was necessary, I still second guess myself and feel guilty.
I once worked 72 hours straight to quell a state prison riot. I arrived at the scene in style...inside a state police helicopter.
One of my career goals is to be a K-9 officer.
A really mind-blowing experience: While performing in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I looked up from my conducting and saw myself 6 stories tall on the screen mounted in Times Square.
I was a guest on the Today Show and I was so drunk that I could barely stand up. (Beware of drummers bearing SamBuca!)
I once leapt from a third floor fire escape into a dumpster full of empty beer cases while being cheered on by drunken cops from all over the nation.
I (and everyone that was in my party) was ejected from an Outback restaurant in FL for hog-calling.
I was almost killed when I was hit by a drunk driver while standing outside of my patrol car on a traffic stop.
Prior to 9/11, I was the only female officer to have received the Medal of Valor from the American Police Hall of Fame. It was for effecting the arrest of the above drunk while severely injured.

Damn, this shit is HARD. More later...hope you didn't fall asleep on me. If you did, I'll be whooping your ass on Wednesday.

2006-01-18T23:20:00.000-05:00

Whip it! Whip it good!
Oh yeah....it is Wednesday and that means it is time for me to SMACK THAT ASS! Hmmm, let's see what the Goddess has in store for the week:

Laurie: Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know...I've been having a good time spanking this pleasurable ass every single chance I get. But, COME ON!!! Have you SEEN it?
Besides the reason that I just want to get my hands on Laurie's ass, she is getting a spanking because Beauty and the Beer has been nominated to Best of the Blogs for "Snarkiest Blog".
Go vote or I'll add you to the list for an ass-kicking!

Beda Kent, Houston FD: Girl...I am in fucking AWE of you! Taking your captain's promotion test and ACING it within 12 hours of giving birth? Beda...this Goddess wants you to know that you are an inspiration...good luck and congrats!

MLK (and those that do their best to carry the flame): In this screwed up world, I have to save a gentle spanking for Dr. King and all people that strive to live by the things that he taught. It concerns me when I hear people that are not African-American talk of this holiday as if it is unimportant. Dr. King was not only searching for a better life for African-Americans...he wanted an America where all people were treated with respect and had every opportunity to be the best person that they could be. So, the Goddess says...rest easy, Dr. King...we haven't forgotten your teachings.

Time to Whip it:
Mother Nature: Will you MAKE up your fucking mind? I'm getting sick of these temperature changes of 30-50 degrees, sometimes within 12 hours....even lately within 30 minutes!! Mama Nature, what the hell has crawled up your ass and died that you have gotten it in your head to be such a rotten bitch?

The-one-who-shall-not-be-named-but-everyone-knows-who-you-are: Look, you need to think through your actions of the past week or so. You may think that you are suddenly hot shit, but you would be surprised as to the amount of people that have noticed your rat-fuck behavior and have made it known to me. People that drop friends to "be cool" is something that you should have gotten over in high school. Wake up to reality...your "cool factor" is disappearing almost as fast as your friends.

Goddess gem: Mama...the poop war is on. You may as well surrender because I'm working up a good one!

2006-01-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

The Shield's Newest Rook

Paula Garces is new this season, playing Officer Tina Hanlon who is being trained by Julian as her FTO.

I have to say that I am impressed and gratified to the writers of this show...they provided some very strong women that were/are good cops. CCH Pounder (Detective Wyms), Officer Danny Sofer (Catherine Dent) and Captain Monica Rawlings (Glenn Close) all portrayed women that had pride in their work, made sure that they did the job and did it well, yet were still able to maintain the fact that they are women and can still act like it.

Now, with Season 5, Officer Tina Hanlon comes along to show us an example of someone that just doesn't quite get "it". She seems to look at the "barn" as being a singles bar or meat market, using her feminity as coin to trade on instead of buckling down and learning to be a capable officer. As a result, she is putting off a vibe that she is expecting to have certain things "let slide" because she is cute. Unfortunately, she is placed with an FTO that is immune to her charms and is only worried about making sure she can do the job right and not get herself or another officer injured or killed.

Tina had been warned by Danny about the officer safety issue of wearing jewelry on the job. There's a good reason for that advice and Tina learned the hard way in tonight's episode. No, there's never a guarantee that a suspect is going to automatically rip out an earring or use your long hair to control you...but, the women that have gone ahead of you and forged that path have already learned the lesson the hard way, some of them by making the ultimate sacrifice. When our advice falls on ears that will not listen, it can be frustrating. But, I know that most veteran female officers will still continue to be there to guide.

Danny proved this point in tonight's episode when she strongly suggested to Julian that it was his duty to address Tina's overuse of force in a different manner. Was Tina guilty of excessive force? You are damn right, she was! She was so caught up in getting even that she forgot the important rule: Only enough force to overcome resistance, and when that resistance stops, so does the force used!

It was interesting because I watched this with the husband. His immediate comment was that the asshole deserved it. This is just one more clue that we are not compatible. In all of my time as a police officer, I have never used force to get back at someone. In fact, I made it a personal point of honor that I would use the least amount that I could...especially when someone had assaulted me. Don't get me wrong, I'm the first one there to jump in with another officer to go toe-to-toe. But, I've always brought my prisoner back to the station without having taken a few "licks" to teach them a lesson. When we do that kind of thing, we lower ourselves to their level.

2006-01-16T23:20:00.000-05:00

It's Linky, it's linky!

Yeah, I know that all of you are humming that whacked slinky song now...sorry.
I wanted to point out that there are two new links on this blog:
The Enforcer's Notebook and Tales from the Domestic Front. I think they are worth checking out, so be kind and read them.

*EDIT* Make sure that all of you go and vote for my girl, Laurie from "Beauty and the Beer" (see links). She was nominated for Best Snarky Blog!!! Go vote, dammit!

Goddess gem: Make war, not love. If the Goddess ain't gettin' it, then I don't want anyone else having it!

2006-01-16T00:40:00.000-05:00

Rear Body Armor Required

There is nothing else on God's green earth that pisses me off more than a back-stabbing bitch. Just think about this a second...I realize that I'm not the voice echoing from a burning bush, after all...I keep that trimmed and landscaped, and the Goddess is not into burning. That means your shit is wrong and you need to get to the Doc. And, as wonderful as the Goddess's party patch is...I haven't quite taught it to speak. Hence, no voice coming out of that thing....yet. (Shit, DUCK...there went a tangent!)

But, getting back to my point. You would think that when you have a friend that you've gotten to know, that you would be able to tell if they were going to shank you in the ass. These people need to have warning labels attached to them:
Attention: Do not attempt to become friendly with this person. They will screw you up the ass without the benefit of lube on the earliest opportunity.

Pfft....noooooo! That would make life too easy. Hell, once these back-stabbing rat bastards are identified, you should be able to go to your local courthouse and procure tags for hunting them.

I do have to say, though, that the assholes certainly make the true friends that you find to be so much sweeter and precious. HAHAHAHAHA, it's going to kill me to say this, but Hans_G is one of those people and he's been so wonderful. (Love you, Hansy...even if your taste in hockey sucks.) Luke, Laurie and the rest of the gang...much love!

2006-01-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

Whippin' That Ass

It must be Wednesday, because I am in a serious ass-kicking mood. It seems I can't take a breath without someone or something pissing me off. You think that fate would give a goddess a break, but no...fate has obviously decided to become an amateur proctologist and see how much and how hard it can shove an unlimited supply of ginormous fuck-you's right Up MY ASS! As a result, ain't nobody getting a pleasurable spanking. Tough shit...why should I make YOUR ass feel better? What have you done for a bitch, lately, huh?

Pittsburgh Penguins- What in the flying FUCK is the major malfunction with you guys??? How do you expect me to hold my head up and defend your sorry asses when it comes to those rotten ratfuck Flyers fans (Bite me, Hans!) when you play like you have your heads firmly implanted in your anus? Yeah...okay, the first half of the season was a wash but does that mean that you have to play like the US Women's Hockey team? No...actually, I think even the US Women's team could whip your asses, right now. I suggest you start playing like you have some hairy dangly things before there is a uniform change and you rat bastards have to play in skirts.

Senate Judiciary Committee- You all are some pompous, over-inflated windbags. Do you realize that if you put a fraction of that effort that you put forth in grandstanding towards actually making a freaking effort at getting something DONE, we wouldn't have HALF the problems we have, today. Shut your fucking mouths and DO the job that you were sent to do. No one gives a flying shit about your petty power-grabbing speeches. If I had my choice, I'd send fate over to visit each and every one of you when it comes knocking on my door in the mood to do some colon exploration.

Senator Arlen Spector- This is your second time that you have made my ass-whoopin' list. What kind of fucktard are you that you want to pass a law saying that people cannot express their opinion on the internet? Anyone that gets their panties in a wad over shit said online needs a foot up their ass to wake them up to reality. Get a fucking life...if you can't take people telling you that you are a fucking moron because you are to obtuse to see the obvious, then press that little power button. Otherwise, shut up and crawl back under your rock so no one has to deal with you.

Goddess gem: What if the hokey-pokey is really what it is all about?

2006-01-09T18:35:00.000-05:00

Bald is Beautiful!

Yuuuuuummy! It is almost time for The Shield to return to FX with a new season. Don't forget to tune in tomorrow night at 10pm!
Technorati Profile

2006-01-01T04:00:00.000-05:00

Happy 2006!

Here's wishing that everyone has a happy and safe New year!

Goddess gem: Oh, Sambuca...I love you SO! (But, I will fucking hate you when I wake up!) Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T01:49:00.000-05:00

Let's Go PENS! (and) Go FSU!!!
I haven't talked about hockey for a while, so I thought it was time to blog a bit about my Penguins. As some of you know, the Pens have had a rotten season, so far. But, Thank God!!! They decided to get rid of Eddie "O" for Obselete (YAY) and bring up Michel Therrien from the Baby Pens. Therrien has some major mojo because the Baby Pens have had a kick-ass season so far with very few losses. Thursday's Pens win again NJ seemed to show that Therrien has finally gotten his system in place and that the Pens may be down...but they sure as hell are not OUT! Only time will tell, of course, but I think that they are about to break out as the team with the most heart in this season.

Goddess germinations: Why is Joe Paterno such a rotten, stuck-up prick? And, when will people realize that the man is actually dead (has been for 20 years) and the body was reanimated by an evil, small-minded asshole? Go FSU!!!

2005-12-28T15:43:00.000-05:00

Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

Oh, HELL YEAH! That is the Ass-whooping alarm and it means that it is time to whoop that ass! Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope y'all were treated nicely by that fat fucker in red. Now let's get to some butt kicking:

The general motoring public: What in the living FUCK is wrong with some of you? Do you not comprehend the fact that turn signals have not been optional equipment since modern times? I swear, the next tool that gets in front of me and suddenly jams on the brakes for a turn without a signal, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND SHOVE THE TURN SIGNAL INDICATOR UP YOUR ASS!!!!! That way, you'll HAVE to signal, even when you fart, you ignorant rat bastards!

Oh, and you asshole minivan drivers...yeah, you know who the hell you are....you people are some of the most obnoxious freaking non-driving asswipes known to mankind. One of these days, I'm going to pile-drive one of you rotten pricks right into a bridge abutment and giggle my ass off as I drive away. Remove your pinhead from out of your ass and fucking MOVE out of the way!

People with hats: you stupid motherfuckers are the WORST drivers I've ever had the displeasure of getting behind. Seriously, do you feel like your head has been inserted into your anal orifice the moment you put that hat on and get behind the wheel? You must, because you certainly drive like it. Don't believe me? Try it...seriously, the next time you get behind someone that is driving like it is a special olympic event, take a close look...I guarantee that the moron has a hat on.

Fat teenage bitches at McDonald's: Look, it's Christmas break and it's freaking cold outside. I've been locked up with the kid for too long. Now, when I decide to take my child to McDonalds so he can play on the inside jungle gym to get rid of his pent-up energy, I shouldn't have to worry about him getting crushed by a bunch of fat-assed teenagers on the kiddie gym. C'mon, you can barely fit your huge ass through the slide. Just watching you, I discovered that I now know where those ridiculous women that try to squeeze their humongous, flabby gunts into lycra and think they look sexy come from...there is no doubt in my mind that they, too, were obnoxious teenagers with no concept of HOW FUCKING BIG they had become. Shit, I'd attempt to give you an ass kicking but I'd be afraid that I'd never see my foot, again. So, take a look in the mirror, get a grip on reality....and get the FUCK off the kiddie gym. (PS-stay away from lycra.)

2005-12-21T14:52:00.000-05:00

Another Christmas Ho for an Asswhoopin'

It's Wednesday, so it must mean that it's time for the weekly kicking of asses.
I'm going to forego a spanking for my beautiful sister-in-law, Melodie. She made me an aunt for the first time, last week, when she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Gracie Elaina. Poor Mel had a pretty rough time of it, enough that if I had seen that before I had my child, there is NO way in HELL that I would have ever given birth! So, for Mel...a big hug in lieu of a spanking.

Now, for an ass-whipping.
Denise aka "RockyPoint05" on yahoo: It amazes me that there are such desperate
creatures as this woman that would go online and chase a married man. Then, I got a look at her picture. Yeah...the fat fucking whale that washed up on the beach? That's her in the picture. After seeing that, I understand why she's alone. She probably ate her last boyfriend.
The really funny part is that she's not only a lard-ass, she's also pretty fucking dim. Hey Denise...I love how you beg for a chance to see a married man, again, because you enjoy his "stories". I'm trying to figure out the logistics of you two having sex...him with the miniscule dick and you with several layers of fat. But, porkers like you are so desperate for any type of male attention that you obviously aren't very choosy. I'm hoping that he gives you herpes from the coke whore that he was fucking. So, please don't pretend like you're getting around me, somehow. I am totally aware of you and your pathetic attempts to fuck my husband. You never know exactly where I'll pop up.

2005-12-13T14:37:00.000-05:00

Whipping up some ChristmASS!

I have been through entirely too much shit, this week, to feel predisposed to give out spankings. Nope...I'm fucking pissed off and not in the mood to hand out pleasure. I have this POWERFUL
need to do some serious ass-kicking, so let's just get right down to it, shall we?

Dork Vader- If I had any concept of what a worthless motherfucking piece of shit that you were when I met you, I'd have killed your ass in a wanton blaze of anger. Shit...even if the jury would have ruled against me (and they wouldn't!) I'd be free by now. But no, like a dumb bitch, I married your simple ass, not thinking you would turn into the abusive, controlling, anal-retentive rat bastard that you are today. And...just when I think that things in this farce of a marriage can't get any worse....WHAM! You manage to stun me again with your absolute moronic behavior.
Motherfucker....do you THINK before you do the stupid shit that you do? Did you honestly think that I wouldn't find out about your latest whore? (Stand by, THAT bitch is next.) Hooking up with someone I can easily track and trace? Have you fucking forgotten that you married a COP? One that can not only out-think you but catches you every time you lie? Do you really believe that it isn't obvious that you are trying to fuck someone else when you start in with dieting and a sudden urge for exercise? Like you "going for a walk" every night, refusing to take the fucking DOG but never forgetting your cell phone isn't a big flashing clue. And, dumbass please....the old "I have a meeting of the FOP at a bar at 10pm and I need to take a shower before I go" isn't another moron sign. Yo, fucktard! I was a member of the FOP for 12 fucking years...I KNOW that they don't meet like that and no one there gives a shit if you took a second shower of the day before you arrived. How nice of you to wash your miniscule dick for the whore that you were meeting. Hope she brought the pepper and tweezers.
Oh, Oh, Oh! Let us not forget the $150 that you spent to join a sex solicitation site! I have to beg your stingy ass for every penny to do something with your kid, but hey! Money is no object when it comes to a sex internet site. By the way, I re-wrote your profile for you because you should be honest....for ONCE in your life:
"Hi! I'm a pathetic asshole that is in mid-life crisis. I am on my second wife because I have deep-seated emotional issues that I can't face, so I blame them on my wife. I'm a lying, cheating and frequently abusive jerk but please don't let that stop you from contacting me so I can assure you that I am God's gift to women. I know that I am because my mommy tells me so. Oh, just so you know...my mommy is unnaturally attached to my first wife. Since we are being truthful, I bitch more than any woman and nothing will ever be my fault. Everything bad that has happened to me is either the fault of my ex-wife, my current wife, or anyone I work with or for. Speaking of which, I will whine constantly that I am about to get fired because of "people out to get me" but I still think it's a great idea to use my agency's name in my screen name on an internet web site to solicit extra-marital sex with strangers."

Yeah, that feels much better. Now, onto the whore-who-will-fuck-married-men:
Hey sepagirl4u ! Yeah, you skanky piece of fucking trash on Yahoo IM...I'm talking to YOU! Tell me, what's it like to be such a low-life, white trash-can't-get-your-own-man-so-you-whore for-random-strangers-online? Didn't your daddy pay enough attention to you when he came to bang your mom after last call? I LOVE how you claim that you never hooked up with anyone online, but you've paid $150+ to list your VD-ridden ass on a sex site that you advertise that you are looking to fuck men and/or couples. Hmmm...what's the matter? Did they meet you in person and run screaming into the night? It wouldn't surprise me that even sick bastards would find you repulsive.
And, you want to claim that you "work" with my husband, again? Obviously, you have no fucking clue as to who you are dealing with...listen, little clerical-dispatcher whore, I've dealt with slutty badge-fuckers like you for many years. Don't try to pass yourself off as something important when I know that you'll hump anything that wears a uniform. So, yeah...there's a reason why your 36 year old, river rat, no class, badge bunny, can't get a man, flatbackin', fugly, pathetic whore ass is STILL single and has to advertise online for someone desperate enough to fuck you. Do yourself a favor and pray everyday that you don't run into me. Because I won't be responsible for the hell I unleash upon your worthless ass, sepawhore4uIfuwantVD

2005-12-07T19:25:00.000-05:00

Another Edition of Whip-Ass Wednesday!

Okay, let's start with the fun spankings:
1) Laurie - Once again, sweet mama, you get a lovin' whack to that beautiful ass that I just can't get enough of...why? Because you posted those hellacious boobies for me, all decorated and shit. (And, sorry folks, if you didn't visit that blog before yesterday, you are fucked out of luck...it is all gone. Go read to see why. I guarantee that you will laugh your ass off!) Bend over, Mama- I've got a special gift for you!

2) fyrchyck - A new addition to the Assume the Position link list, fyrchyck deserves a special spanking. She just graduated from the police academy and was awarded for her Top Performance in her class! Go fyrchyck! And, hey...why hasn't your ass found your way to my forum, yet? Don't make me taze you! Now, bend over, baby....here comes your reward!

Onto the naughty list...those who need their asses kicked for pissing me off:

1) Ignorant-ass people testifying before Congress about Katrina: WHAT THE FUCK???? Where in the flying HELL are you people getting off by claiming "genocide" in the wake of a freaking NATURAL DISASTER? Are you trying to say that God hates black people and did this on purpose? People....quit fucking blaming shit on the goverment. No one could have prevented that hurricane. I'm sorry that your simple asses have lost your rickety-ass fucking homes, but quit trying to blame shit that can't have been prevented on your race. It just ain't gonna wash. All you are doing is pissing me off and that kind of behavior isn't going to get you help. Here's a clue: Don't live in an area where you might end up having Mother Nature tap dance on your ass and then pretend that you had no idea that the shit might happen! Quit your bitching and bend the fuck over so I can plant my foot up your ass for being so annoyingly moronic. GAH!

2005-11-30T23:35:00.000-05:00

Introducing...."Whip-Ass Wednesdays"

A very, special friend of mine pointed out that I need to deal with my rage issues in a creative fashion. It's either that or risk being someone's cell-bitch. After much
angst and several emails, it was decided that "Whip-Ass Wednesdays" shall be placed in motion so I can avoid being a client instead of a provider when it comes to the Justice System. Of course, I'm sure that regular bouts of sex would be helpful...but since I don't see that in the near future, this will have to do.

Here is how this works: there are Spankings and there are Whippings. I will tell you who has made it on the list for each. Spankings, by nature, are fun and sexy. They are meant to be a reward for something that has pleased me. Whippings, however, are just a plain beat-down, kick your ass until you beg for unconciousness kinda thing. Not to be a enjoyable experience.

Spankings:

BowChicka- You inspired me to do this with your "Shank Tuesdays", so Mama...your intervention has worked. Thanks for helping me brainstorm this and bend over so I can spank that beautiful ass!

Rain and She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed: Thanks for offering to give a sister a place to crash in the City of Brotherly Love. If this all comes together the way we hope, Philly will never be the same. Now, bend over so I can make you my bitches!

Whippings:

Medical Research community and makers of Kleenex: You can find a freaking cure to give creepy old men a hard-on, but you can't save me from the common cold? And, you Kleenex people...do you mix sandpaper in with your tissues? My nose has lost almost every layer of skin because of you rotten bastards. Long Live Puffs! For all of the discomfort I am now suffering with, the Goddess will now administer a beat-down on your asses that will show you I am NOT to be denied!

Arlen Spector: You droopy-jowled, rat bastard! It isn't bad enough that you started your career with one of the biggest loads of horseshit to be sold to the American public (single bullet theory, much?); nope, not bad enough that you CLAIM to be a Republican and then fuck everyone of us in the ass after we get you elected by turning into such a liberal fucking pansy that no one knows which personality you will pull out of your ass, next...NOW you try to get involved with the NFL by publically castigating the Philadelphia Eagles and the National Football League on behalf of T.O.? 'Splain this one to me, Arlen...what the holy FUCK are you doing weighing in on behalf of some ghetto-ass prima donna that doesn't even reside within your constituency? Shut the hell up and prepare to take your whipping like man.

2005-11-29T09:33:00.000-05:00

It's Fall...No, it's Winter...NO, it's SPRING!

Mother Nature is one fucked-up bitch. I'm sitting here talking to you folks from my deck on my wireless laptop, in short-sleeves. What is wrong with this picture?
Hmmm...there isn't a leaf to be found on the trees, we had freaking SNOW just a few days ago and now it is a beautiful, balmy 72 degrees.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. Hell, I wish it would be like this all year-round. I HATE cold weather!
I just wonder if this is one of dear old Mother Nature's hot flashes.

2005-11-25T06:25:00.000-05:00

Fond Thanksgiving Memories
After watching the Macy's Parade with my son, this morning, I was reminded of what happened during the two times I was in the parade.

I performed in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, twice. Both times were with the All-Star Drum & Bugle Corps, which was made up of approximately 500 members of the best of each Junior and Senior Corps from across the nation. In 1992, I played lead soprano bugle and in 1994 I was chosen to be one of the drum majors or conductors. All 500+ members would converge on Bergen County, NJ and spend a week at a National Guard Armory to learn drill and polish the music. We would spend 12 or more hours a day at practice and then party our asses off, sometimes showing up still drunk or high from thenight before. And, let me tell you...you have not experienced the hangover from motherfucking hell until you've had to deal with one while locked inside an Armory that traps, amplifies, and echoes every sound. When you mix in 400+ bugles, a 50-something member drumline, and a shrieking guard composed of mainly twittering fags....trust me, you want to either kill yourself or everyone in the building.

Something strange that I've noticed because of being in this parade twice, is that the weather during the week leading up to Thanksgiving would be unnaturally balmy. We would practice in shorts and t-shirts all week. But, the morning of the parade would always be so fucking cold! The temperature was always in the 30's and the wind would be slicing down the parade route. Of course, the only way to combat this frigid onslaught was to be so drunk that you just didn't care. My Sambuca addiction is rooted firmly in this weather phenomena.

The first year that I performed in the parade, some moron that was driving Kenny G. in a golf cart to whatever gay float he was going to be on, for some reason thought it was a good idea to stop right beside where 500+ drunk, bored, frozen and pissed off corps members were waiting for the word to get in formation to start marching in the parade. Said retarded moron actually stands up and announces in a loud voice, "Look! It is Kenny G.! The most gifted musician and performer in the world!"

There was a moment of stunned silence. Then, (I've always sworn that it started in the drumline, because those drummers are insane) all sorts of garbage began to fly through the air and pelt the Kenny G. golf cart. Many members grabbed their crotches and told Kenny G. to come "blow THIS!" The look on poor Kenny's face was hysterical...it went from fully expectant of hero worship by this large group of "amateur musicians" to complete horror and wanting to cry like a little girl as his tard driver floored the golf cart to get them out of garbage range. I noticed later on the video of the parade that Kenny G. still looked quite shaken during his brief performance.

In 1994, the Corps went into NYC the morning before the parade to appear on the Today Show. Those evil, evil drummers coerced me into drinking Sambuca the night before. In fact, we were still drinking when someone looked out the window and said, "Oh shit! I think the buses are getting ready to leave...uh, are we supposed to be somewhere?"

In order to appear on "Today", you have to be at the NBC studios at the ungodly hour of 4AM. This meant that the buses were loading at 3AM. At that time, we were only starting to have fun. Somehow, I made it onto the bus and with the help of several people, got into my uniform. By the time we arrived at Rockefeller Center, bets were being placed as to whether I would be able to stay on my feet during the show; if I would throw up on Katie Couric or Martha Stewart; at what point I would throw up and/or pass out and if it would be on camera. Somehow, I managed to stay on my feet and not throw up on anyone. I know that my conducting was quite....interesting.

Being young and stupid, I was able to lubricate myself again with 'buca, the next morning. Our performance went off without a hitch. The highlight of the parade was when I heard a disturbance behind us and looked back to see the Barney balloon swooping out of control. The handlers were unable to regain altitude and Barney began diving at the crowds. The NYPD surrounded Barney and began beating the shit out of him....actually stabbing and beating the big, purple fucker. THIS was more than the Corps could handle. NYPD was cheered on with, "Kill that purple motherfucker! Kick that faggoty-ass dinosaur to death! Kill! Kill! Kill!"

Ahh...holidays bring out the best in us all. Happy fucking Holidays!

2005-11-16T08:30:00.001-05:00

The Little Boy That Wasn't
One unfortunate side effect of my job is that I get uninvited guests when I need them the least: usually when I am asleep or trying to sleep. I know it sounds like I am crazy and maybe I am, but I like to think that these visitors help me keep my humanity in a career that can strip you of it without you even being aware until it is too late and your life is forever altered.

One of my most frequent visitors has been dead for years. He was a very young child. An innocent child that was used and thrown away, much like someone would use a tissue or a condom. And, he has not truly been given justice.

Logan is the one that comes to visit the most. He was 23 months old and had no pulse or respiration. Logan had been returned to his parents by a judge only 72 hours before from a loving, caring foster family. 72 hours was all it took for his parents to beat him to death. He was such a beautiful little boy and he was wearing a set of Disney diapers. The fact that I was doing CPR on this angel felt like an obscenity. My tears were falling on my hands while I was doing chest compressions and I was begging him to open his eyes and live. Unfortunately, even though every medical procedure was performed to give this little boy a fighting chance, he never did come back to us. When the ER physician decided that it was time to stop, even he was crying. He picked up Logan from the gurney and cradled him close, his voice cracking as he stated the time of death. After that, the doctor gently handed Logan to a nurse and he was held and rocked by each person that had worked feverishly on him.

As I write this, I can remember so clearly the amazement I felt at the slight weight of this child as I held him close to me. I remember hoping that the hard edges of my bulletproof vest weren’t hurting him and then crying even more when I realized that he was beyond that. I laid him back upon the gurney and unchecked the wheels so that I could push it on our solitary trip to the morgue. Turning off the light and locking the door with Logan inside and by himself is still one of the most gut-wrenching actions that I have taken to this day. His first visit to me was that night and it was in the guise of being frightened and alone. I woke up with tears streaming down my face and I was unable to return to sleep that night.

I will be forever grateful to Logan’s foster parents. They shared a video tape of a happy time when he was pushing one of those bubble mowers around their yard. I was finally able to see this child laughing and happy, instead of lying still and unresponsive.

Logan’s mother was convicted of beating him to death and received 23 months in prison. One month for each month of his life. She was pregnant went she went to trial. I often wonder if Logan visits her or the judge that sent him back to her. In a way, I hope that he doesn’t, because I don’t feel that either of them deserve to have his presence.

Having Logan around isn’t easy, but I believe that remembering someone so special that touched my life for a brief time is worth the pain and heartache. I hope that this little boy knows somehow that he will always have a welcome place in my memories and my heart.

2005-11-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

CodeAmber.org
I have added an Amber Alert ticker to the top of my blog. I encourage all of you to do the same at CodeAmber.org
Unfortunately, I have been reminded how important this feature is because of a current incident that is ongoing at this time. Some 18 year old asshole has had one of those testosterone-fueled brainstorms in which he thought that it was necessary to shoot and kill his 14 yr. old girlfriend's parents and then abduct her at gunpoint. All of this has taken place only minutes away from me. Past experience tells me that this moron is probably going to end this with a murder-suicide, but this is one time that I sincerely hope that I am wrong.

2005-11-07T09:08:00.000-05:00

Pussy Controls
A man in North Dakota was sentenced to two days in jail for failing to license his cat. What. The. Fuck?
I've personally never heard of having to license a cat and I think it is one of the more ridiculous laws I've heard. To actually have to spend time in JAIL for not licensing a cat? What were these people thinking of?
There is a borough in Pennsylvania that has similar dumbass beliefs when it comes to "pussy control". Cleona Borough has ordinances that require you to license your cat with the borough. Dogs are licensed with the county...which I have no problem with, dogs should be licensed. However, Cleona goes even further, (I shit you not, this is true) you are NOT permitted to allow your cats "to run at large". Really! You can see it for yourself, right here.
Even better yet, these morons expect the police to go round up errant pussy that happens to be wandering about the borough of Cleona. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, it's probably the one thing that the Chief has experience in doing. I would think, though, that there were much more important issues than this deminimus infraction to worry about. But, hey...if chickenshit pinches are what get you off...shit, I forgot...they do get you off, huh, chiefy?
Seriously folks, have you ever tried to walk a cat on a leash? Or tie a cat outside on a tether? The damn thing will kill itself (or you) to get away. Cats are meant to be able to roam about "at large". Trying to stop them is unnatural.
SET THE PUSSY FREE!

2005-11-04T00:28:00.000-05:00

Sticky Situations
My heroine of the week is Gail O'Toole of Murrysville, PA. You see, Gail did something that a lot of us women have only dreamed of...she got even with a cheating, lying man that did her wrong. Gail invited her sweetie over for some good loving and then waited until the rat bastard began snoring. As soon as he did, she super-glued his penis to his abdomen, glued his ass cheeks together and wrote something obscene in nail polish on his back.
Oh...but Gail wasn't done after that. No, she made the guy walk an uncomfortable mile to a gas station to use a phone to call for help! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Gail sucked it up like a woman after the jerk pressed charges for misdemeanor assault. She plead guilty and served 6 months probation.
Here's the kicker...this whiny little pussy is now suing Gail for $30,000 in "damages". Oh, pulllease! Honey, I hardly doubt that little thing is worth 30K. This is probably the most attention your dick has ever had, you should be paying Gail.
Gail? Sweetie...while I admire your work, the only thing I would have done differently? I'd have glued both hands to his dick while I was at it.

2005-11-03T00:57:00.000-05:00

Hide Your Tin Foil!
Yes, the Goddess has found another crazy for you to marvel at...this one makes the freak show from New Zealand look quite sane. I'd like you to meet Sherry Shriner. She believes that aliens are running our government...really. She knows this because God has told her. She also believes in the powers of aluminum foil. (Do all fucking nuts learn about this shit somewhere? Is it universally beamed to them? Personally, I think it is a last resort of emergency workers to get these morons to stop blithering at them about aliens taking over the world.)
Anyway, here's just a taste of Sherry's outlook on life:

Ramon Watkins, playing the role of a UFO caller recently caused a stir by claiming only black people were allowed to attend his UFO callings. Only black people are allowed to be part of his 'group.' And so some white people were throwing a fit. They should be thanking him. They don't get it, that his job is to build a "black bride." Not a interracial one, a black bride. The aliens want a black bride to store in their meat lockers for now, and so that's his job..to collect them for harvesting.

Still waiting to see if he manages somehow to get his bride overseas to Ethiopia. You gotta wonder why they're even playing the black card. I guess because they can.

2005-10-30T15:45:00.000-05:00

Syphilitic Sheep Whore Strikes Again!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the internet, NZtwat returns:

Actually from Hitler (account deleted)
Actually...you pathetic woman....This is NZ's man. Just wanted to tell you somethin...she came on to this fucked up Tuckermax sight to agree with you all on the Nazi twins and she had her bit to add just like the rest of you....ok big deal she didnt read the rules....so fucking tell her to read them before she re-posts?!!!! Instead....she get this over dramatised psychotic rant from you asswipes...and comments in her validity like I WISH YOU WOULD DIE BITCH!!! Now...I'd have to agree with her that you could have just told her to read the rules instead of the totally uneccesary drawn out hateful post you wrote....after all was it really THAT big a deal??? Did she commit a crime? Slag any of you off??....WAS IT REALLY SOMETHING SO MAJOR THAT IT WOULD UPSET AND ANGER YOU THAT MUCH? We thought surely not - its only a fucking forum......but then it all became clear.....YES....it IS a big deal to you all......in fact....its a HUGE deal.....its become clear that this place IS YOUR LIFE...this is your world!!! From the amount of time you spend online and how much you all lick eachothers asses Im guessing none of you HAVE a life outside here....so we have come to realise WHY the huge deal when it couldve been a friendly comment suggesting she read the rules....word of advice....this is common for people who become addicted to the net...they start to become over sensative and extremely abusive and lose all sense of normal reaction to any given online scenario....you may want to stay offline for a while and stand back....take a look at yourself and your attitude....a little scary. SO....now that we understand WHY you went off your nut-nut over a little bit of LOL, a couple of abbreviations and 3 colors......we can simply say.....WE ARE VERY SORRY....WE WERENT THEN AWARE OF YOUR PASSIONATE DEPENDANCY AND OBSESSION WITH THIS THING.... sincere apologies and we both hope you get well soon....all of you.
************
Wow...this bitch is fucking bat-shit crazy! Let there be no doubt about that. My response:

Re: Actually from Hitler (account deleted)
Are you really as fucking bat-shit crazy as you are coming across in these posts? Because if you are, you need some serious help. I find it hilarious that you think I'm anywhere near as brain-damaged as you are in that I would believe that this last missive was from your husband. No American writes like that or uses those phrases or wording. I think that the syphilis you caught from working in the New Zealand whorehouse where he found you must have fucked up your mental processes. The only obsessed person here is you. You were the one that took my criticism that was aimed at SEVERAL people and made it personal. You are the one that needs to acquire a fucking life...it's the fucking INTERNET, you crazy bitch. No one takes this shit seriously. I find it extremely funny that you think I was "upset and angry". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm too busy laughing at your stupid, simple ass to get pissed off at anything. Besides, as a result of the syphilis, you probably only have two remaining brain cells left...once in a great while they collide to form a thought. It's a shame that it isn't a coherent one as evidenced by your writings. So, keep up the death threats and the other funny shit. The laughs are priceless, you dumb cunt.

2005-10-27T23:13:00.000-04:00

More Missives from Bat-Shit NZTramp
My pal from TMMB, "IamRob" has shared with me some PMs that my crazed New Zealand sheep prostitute has been sending to him. I thought that I would share the funny with all of you:

10-24-2005, 12:51 PM NewZealandGurl Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 5 vCash: 500 Validation Points: -47 Your vocabulary is impressive spastic boy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sigh.........another ignorant loud mouthed yank spewing a mouthful of abuse.....what did you expect after your nasty post?....A wink and a few kisses? And you're actually wrong tosser...if I posted a personal note to you on the thread you'd all jump on my ass for not reading the rules again! Make up your damn mind asshole.....you're contradicting yourself....do I go by the rules?...or not???????? Dittthhhneeeylaaaayyyynnddd!!!!!!!!!!! (Glad you got to go.....you look like you were excited...good for you!)

10-24-2005, 12:55 PM IamRob See you Auntie. Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 527 vCash: 73 Validation Points: 1071 You know, I wasn't convinced that you were a psychotic whore until now. I'm glad we both have found peace of mind. Listen, the only business you have being here is as the butt of our jokes. If you want to be here, fine. Just don't post. If you do post, expect the treatment you get. Read the drivel you type and tell me that you aren't crazy. You're boyfriend must be the most desperate guy to go out with such an ugly cunt of a woman.

NewZealandGurl Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 5 vCash: 500 Validation Points: -47 Re: Your vocabulary is impressive spastic boy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yup....you're a charmer alright.....you're whats known world wide as a typical yank. I'm a cunt? ha ha!!! Righto dear....My husband is 10 times more of a man than you'll ever be,,,10 times better looking....and 10 times more educated,sweet,loving , loyal and everything else that you most probably are NOT. (Huge for one....you look like a weed)

IamRob See you Auntie. Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 527 vCash: 73 Validation Points: 1071 AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's so fucking funny. Ok, that's good. There are a lot of people better looking than I. But I STILL wouldn't fuck you. I wouldn't fuck you with my dog's dick. I mean someone has to like cranky NewZealenders with sand up their vaginas who resemble a deformed Cher. Maybe that's just coincedentally your boyfriend's fetish. In which case, congratulations. Tell him I thank him for serving for his country, but he can do much better than you, you stupid ugly hog.

NewZealandGurl Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 5 vCash: 500 Validation Points: -47 Re: Your vocabulary is impressive spastic boy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh and by the way....a whore is a woman who sleeps around.....which makes you an ignorant retard (we'll just say..."yank") for even using the word as you dont know me OR who I sleep with...for the record...JUST MY MAN!!! And for you to say how ugly I am is just immature as its pretty obvious I'm not....so dont be mad cos you cant have me honey....not into boney little pink boys....Samoans all the way! Enjoy the rest of your day....you're a waste of breath...

IamRob See you Auntie. Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 527 vCash: 73 Validation Points: 1071 Re: Your vocabulary is impressive spastic boy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then call me out on the board. Do it. I'm blocking your PMs. If you want to call me out, you fucking ugly fat greasy cow cunt. Do it. Please. You won't though. For one every simple reason: you know, deep down, that I'm right That you're filthy. This board is about calling people out, so you won't get banned, and yours posts won't get deleted. Do it, because I'm not spending my day PMing you while we go back and forth about why you're stupid for thinking you're pretty. Do it. Call me out. Respond to the thread. I'm blocking

: NewZealandGurl Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 5 vCash: 500 Validation Points: -47 Re: Your vocabulary is impressive spastic boy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so you have the protection and back up of all your little pretend friends of cyber space? LOL! whatever....if you cant stand up for yourself......forget it..... WIMP
***************************
Gee, "hitler"....who is the "wimp"? Posting bitchy little comments on my blog? I thought so. Oh, a message from IamRob:
"You are a filthy fucking tramp who I hope catches fire from your oily face. And maybe, just maybe, this fire will make your face more tolerable in public than your current one."
Have fun playing with your sheep.

2005-10-27T12:15:00.000-04:00

Like Catnip For Crazies, I Am
Some of you may have noticed the strange comments left on my last entry from "hitler". I had started to remove them and then I thought, fuck that...I'll let everyone see what a nutjob this crazy bitch is that is following me around the internet. You see, for some reason, I seem to attract the strange, the whacked out, the fucked up beyond all repair. They flock to me like the famous star that shone high in the heavens above that famous manger in the sky. I am, truly, like catnip to crazy people.
I have experienced this phenomenon on and offline. It crosses gender lines, state lines, even (I am discovering) international lines.
My first experience with this was some psychotic woman that would sit outside of the police station for hours just to catch a glimpse of me. She would leave long, rambling messages on the station answering machine that made absolutely no sense. For a time, I was able to ignore her and pass it off as being harmless. Occasionally, she would go and stand on the bridge over the river when I worked midnight shift. I don't know if she was hoping I would talk her out of jumping, but she was shit out of luck. Anything that was over the river or wet, was out of my jurisdiction. Once in a while, one of the guys would drive by and see her on the bridge and I would hear over the talk-around channel "Jump! Jump! Jump!" She never did.
After a while, though, it began to get creepy. She somehow found out where I lived and began to cruise past my house. I then found out from mental health authorities that she believed that if she could get me to kill her that she would "become" me. It all culminated in a traffic stop one night where I almost did drop the hammer on her when she tried her best to get me to shoot her. I still have the scar on my hand from where I stopped the hammer of my gun from striking the cartridge just before impact.
I left that department and went to another one in a different county. I figured I was free of her, but nooooooooo....within a week, the crazy bitch had MOVED into my jurisdiction! It wasn't long though before she did something bat-shit nuts enough to get locked up. She had moved into a trailer with a stripper. (Yes, a stripper.) One day, she got into her piece of shit car and drove three trailers down and slammed into a minivan that was pulling into a driveway. The crazy bitch got out of her car and looked at the damage, got back in, then she backed up and slammed into the minivan again. After that, she backed the entire way to her driveway and went inside. That stunt gave her a one-way ticket to the state hospital.
Since then, there have been various idiots and morons. Some online, some off. The latest is this freak of nature from New Zealand that calls herself "hitler" on my blog. Real class act, huh? Actually, I'll let you judge for yourself, her picture is at the top of the page. She posted that in an effort to make me jealous of her, I guess. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA The bitch looks like she's been using Crisco as foundation. (Thanks, Seanny Rotten!) Either that, or it's from all of the sweat she's working up at her job...did you know that prostitution is legal in New Zealand? You can tell that they must grow them really fucking stupid down there. Just reading anything this person writes can make your IQ drop by several points, so I don't recommend it. Here's the backstory on this pathetic tramp:
Most of you know that I post on TMMB and that we occasionally like to "make new friends" by visiting other forums. We were right in the middle of one of these forays when the aforementioned NewZealandTwat decides to blunder in and further fuck things up. When I call her on it, instead of just shutting the hell up and learning from her mistakes, she decides to act like a total freaking loon and starts posting whacked out shit that makes absolutely no sense. I got PMs that were quite pathetic and amusing at the same time. And now, childish attempts at bashing me on my comment section of my blog.
Sweetheart...you need to go back and play with the sheep, because you can't handle what I've got for you.

2005-10-18T16:55:00.000-04:00

Dear God, Why are my pets retarded?
Some of you may know that I have a new addition to the household. I went on PetFinder.com this past summer and found a cute little ball of fur that only weighed 3 pounds. This critter was supposed to be a Belgian Shepherd and I named him Ulfric, after one of my favorite characters in the Laurel K. Hamilton, "Anita Blake" series. Ulfric and I have had an interesting few months. It began when we had the fun process of worming. My 3 lb. puppy shit a pound of freaking worms. You know, after working the street as a cop and being a mom, I thought I had pretty much covered all of the disgusting experiences a human could stumble upon. But, no...seeing a clump of live worms that closely resemble pasta squirming their way out of a puppy's shitting ass happened to top it all. Much worse, I had to clean it up so the little bastard didn't chow down on it. (Something that would have had me screaming in my sleep for weeks if I had observed it.)
Ulfric is only going into his fifth month but he now weighs close to 40 lbs. And, my Belgian Shepherd isn't Belgian...he is Dutch. Yes, I have a nationality-challenged dog. It does explain some of the weird things that he does, I'm convinced of it.
You see, Ulfric is in love. He is in love with Spiderman. This Spiderman is a doll of my son's and he began life as a well-abused action figure that was thrown across rooms and run over with toy trucks. After Spidey got to be boring to my son, he was adopted by my other strange pet- Trooper Kitty. Trooper is a big orange & white tomcat that started dragging Spiderman around by the head. The cat would drag this doll and then beat the shit out of it for a while, and then drag it some more. When it came time to visit the testicle fairy at the vet's office, Trooper Kitty took Spidey with him for comfort. After I brought Trooper's balless ass home, he and Spidey had a falling out. Trooper must have blamed the entire event on the doll because he broke it's neck and abandoned it. Spiderman languished in my son's toybox after that until he was discovered by Ulfric.
The puppy began his love affair with Spiderman by chewing off most of a leg. I had to go around picking up pieces of Spidey stuffing that were scattered about the house and yard. Fine, puppies chew, it is an expected thing. However, Ulfric decided to get amorous with Spidey and I decided it was time for an intervention. Uh huh...you read right- my dog began humping Spiderman.
So, the webbed wonder has been sent to that big landfill in the sky...well, actually, in the next town...and I am trying to make sure that my dog doesn't develop any further kinky habits like making love to G.I. Joe.

2005-10-10T20:12:00.000-04:00

WHY I HATE PENN STATE:

I am not one of those brainless idiots that drives around with a bumper sticker that says something about God making the sky blue and white because of Penn State. In fact, I feel a homicidal urge overtake me every time I see one.The very statement typifies the smug fucktardness that makes me want to slap the vacant drooling look from their face until I feel better.

These are the same people that think that Joe Paterno can do no wrong. OF COURSE THE MAN CAN DO NO WRONG, HE'S BEEN FUCKING DEAD FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS!!!!! Don't believe me? Watch him closely. The hesitant speech, the weird robotic movement...yes, the man was replaced by animatronics from Disney after he fell over during mid-rant sometime in the 1980's.

I had an opportunity to experience the arrogance of one of the players and their family, personally. One night while I was on duty, I saw a Jeep that was being driven on the sidewalk. When I stopped it, smelled the expected odor of a brewery and asked the driver to step out, I saw the biggest human being I've ever laid eyes on. Said huge human failed tests and was arrested for DUI. On the way to the hospital for the blood test, he seemed shocked that I didn't know who he was. He said he was a starter for Penn State. I shrugged and said he had the bad luck to get the only officer in that county who could care less about football. No sooner did we get to the hospital than the guy's mommy was calling and ripping me a new asshole for arresting this paragon of society. She said that he "provided a service to the community" and was a "role model" and how dare I do this. After hanging up on her, we drew the blood and returned. I had to deal with several more calls from mommy after that. Each one becoming more and more self-entitled.

I fucking HATE Penn State.

2005-10-04T03:22:00.000-04:00

Fuck the French!

I've always known that the French were worthless stinky bastards that couldn't save their own asses if the instructions were written at the level any fucktard could understand. But, this most recent outrage goes so far past what constitutes "hateful behavior" that these people need to be bombed back into the fucking Stone Age so that they might come back as decent human beings.

I cannot conceive of a person using a dog on a hook for shark bait. I'd suggest that we use the French, instead, but I don't even think that sharks would eat something that rancid.

2005-10-01T20:05:00.000-04:00

"History of Violence"

I went to see this film, tonight, and I am still hovering in the afterglow of seeing Viggo Mortensen as I never have before. I have decided that he is about as close to the Perfect Man as you can get. That being said, I have to admit that I found this film disquieting in that it portrayed violence and the effect on the persons touched by it in a way that was brutally honest. I liked how the director did not see the need to spoonfeed his audience pieces of the plot and that you were permitted to arrive at your own conclusions. While some people might find this annoying because it leaves some pieces of the plot left adrift, I found that it left room for introspection and discussion...two things that films should imprint upon you before you leave the theater.
I'm not going to ruin it by writing about what exactly happens because figuring that out is part of the enjoyment. Suffice it to say that this is a film that should not be missed and one that shows Viggo in the prime of his career as an actor.

2005-09-28T10:16:00.000-04:00

Yo, Martha...Shut the Hell Up!
"Despite objections from Martha Burk, NBC said it was going ahead with plans to air an NHL commercial showing a bare-chested player being dressed by a scantily clad woman."

For those of you that don't know who Martha Burk is, she's the pain in the ass that raised hell about women not being permitted as members at Augusta...she's in charge of some national organization for women's rights. Well, Martha, I have some news for you:

Martha, I happen to love ice hockey. One of the reasons I love it so much is because the athletes are Men with a capital "M". They are tough, rough, hard and muscled, all in just the perfect places that make me weak in the knees. I love to watch them speed across the ice, so fast that it makes me dizzy. And, you know what Martha? When they fight? It gets me fucking HOT! That's right, Martha...when those muscle-bound, manly-men throw off their gloves and start beating the hell out of each other, I GET WET.
So, Martha, don't you DARE fucking presume to speak for me...or for the thousands of women that love the sport of ice hockey. I can tell you that not only will that commercial NOT offend us, but we will be envious of the woman that gets to put her hands all over that player.
Back off, Martha. Or I'll drop my gloves and put a hurting on your ass.

2005-09-27T23:21:00.000-04:00

Anna Nicole finds the jackpot!

Yes, folks, Anna Nicole Smith has found the old fogey jackpot of all time. The AP reports that the Supreme Court is going to hear arguments in her case regarding her older-than-dirt dead husband's estate.
Hopefully, there will be enough paramedics on hand to revive the Justices since Anna intends on being there for the case. Who knows, she might be able to find her next soon-to-be-dead husband while she's there.

2005-09-26T23:28:00.000-04:00

NHL Hockey is definitely back and better than ever. I attended a preseason game of the Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Washington Capitals, last night. The new rules really make the game flow faster but they also cause more penalties due to the zero tolerance attitude of the officials. It was mostly the young guys that played...no Crosby, Pallfy, or Mario, and Fleury was in goal. The new goaltending equipment really looks small and the restricted area that they have to play behind the net will take some getting used to for me (and probably them).
About Fleury's equipment: I have to wonder if the bright yellow might be a drawback in some ways. I'd imagine that it is great for him to be able to see the puck against it. But, I also think that it must be a big homing beacon for the players trying to score on him. After all, hockey players have great peripheral vision and all they need to do is fix that bright yellow position to make a fast move and shoot. Sometimes, it can be a good thing to not stand out from the crowd.

2005-09-25T04:23:00.000-04:00

I know I'm going to hell for this...but COME ON! There's a news story about suburban police departments "dumping" homeless people in L.A. Now, there's going to be some big internal investigation over vagrant "relocation", for pete's sake. Please tell me that ONE MORE crack-ho or wino is going to be noticed in the cess-pool of the City of Angels.
This has been a common practice since I was a wee rookie. In fact, the city PDs would get into the "moving" spirit, themselves. Let's be honest...how in the hell do you think that some drug-addicted, broke-ass, can't find their ass with both hands vagrant finds their way out into the suburbs? I'll give you one guess, and it isn't by their own initiative. "Move the moocher" is a game played by both city and suburban PDs. The city officers get the shits of dealing with the same crazy bastard that stands on the middle of traffic and screams that his ass is on fire. So, they give him a ride to the lovely country. Within minutes, there is a pissed off call or ten to 911 and that department drops the guy back in the city. And so it goes...

2005-09-24T16:18:00.000-04:00

The end of summer always makes me sad. I'm not talking about the "official" end, according to the calendar. I mean the day that you actually realize that the hot, lazy days of summer are almost gone. You walk outside and you are slapped with that feeling to clench up because the cool air is unexpected. It's like being slapped in the face out of the blue by a trusted friend. Now begins the careful peering at the thermometer to figure out what clothing is best for the day ahead. Will it get warmer during the day and make you broil in a pair of pants? Or, will you underdress and find yourself with the start of miserable cold?

My favorite part about the summer is sitting outside at night. The soft, heated air, the twinkle of fireflies and the singing of crickets make summer nights something that must be experienced. Just relaxing outside at night with a cold drink and a good book can be one of the most stress-free experiences left.

But, now the evenings are growing cold and the fireflies are gone. It is time to break out the sweaters and hunker down for the coming of winter. After all, there's only 91 days of Christmas shopping left...

2005-09-23T19:22:00.000-04:00

Life is good. The National Hockey League is back and fantasy hockey drafts are in full swing. This morning, I received a call about the fact that my favorite team, the Pittsburgh Penguins, are going to be playing a preseason game less than 15 miles away against the Washington Capitals. I now have tickets just one row from the ice, right by a goal....just as I like it. I don't want to be center ice. I'm not some puck whore that has to be by the bench so I can press my tits against the plexiglass and try to pick up players. No, I'm there to watch the goaltenders. When you get right down to it, the action that counts happens in the crease. You can do all of the fancy skate and stick work you want out in the other zones, but the goaltender makes or breaks the game.
Now, before anyone starts getting evil in the comments area...don't get me wrong, the "D" is important, too. A goalie can't do it alone. And, yes, I do realize that it is a team effort. But, this is my blog and I favor the goaltending.
So, I'm looking forward to this game. It is going to be interesting to see who is on the ice. Mario has said that he plans on playing more preseason games. I would like to see this new kid wonder, Crosby....and to see Thibault in goal would be divine.

2005-09-19T00:23:00.000-04:00

My pal, drunkenpiss, conned me into doing this blog by making me sign up so I could comment on HIS blog. So, if I were a lesser person, I would get back at him by saying nasty things about jarheads. But, since I am the Goddess, I will let it go...this time.
Right now, I'm just giving this thing a test drive and seeing if it is something that I might be interested in doing. Maybe I'll write more, later.