Let's Go PENS! (and) Go FSU!!!
I haven't talked about hockey for a while, so I thought it was time to blog a bit about my Penguins. As some of you know, the Pens have had a rotten season, so far. But, Thank God!!! They decided to get rid of Eddie "O" for Obselete (YAY) and bring up Michel Therrien from the Baby Pens. Therrien has some major mojo because the Baby Pens have had a kick-ass season so far with very few losses. Thursday's Pens win again NJ seemed to show that Therrien has finally gotten his system in place and that the Pens may be down...but they sure as hell are not OUT! Only time will tell, of course, but I think that they are about to break out as the team with the most heart in this season.

Goddess germinations: Why is Joe Paterno such a rotten, stuck-up prick? And, when will people realize that the man is actually dead (has been for 20 years) and the body was reanimated by an evil, small-minded asshole? Go FSU!!!

Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!


Oh, HELL YEAH! That is the Ass-whooping alarm and it means that it is time to whoop that ass! Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope y'all were treated nicely by that fat fucker in red. Now let's get to some butt kicking:

The general motoring public: What in the living FUCK is wrong with some of you? Do you not comprehend the fact that turn signals have not been optional equipment since modern times? I swear, the next tool that gets in front of me and suddenly jams on the brakes for a turn without a signal, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND SHOVE THE TURN SIGNAL INDICATOR UP YOUR ASS!!!!! That way, you'll HAVE to signal, even when you fart, you ignorant rat bastards!

Oh, and you asshole minivan drivers...yeah, you know who the hell you are....you people are some of the most obnoxious freaking non-driving asswipes known to mankind. One of these days, I'm going to pile-drive one of you rotten pricks right into a bridge abutment and giggle my ass off as I drive away. Remove your pinhead from out of your ass and fucking MOVE out of the way!

People with hats: you stupid motherfuckers are the WORST drivers I've ever had the displeasure of getting behind. Seriously, do you feel like your head has been inserted into your anal orifice the moment you put that hat on and get behind the wheel? You must, because you certainly drive like it. Don't believe me? Try it...seriously, the next time you get behind someone that is driving like it is a special olympic event, take a close look...I guarantee that the moron has a hat on.

Fat teenage bitches at McDonald's: Look, it's Christmas break and it's freaking cold outside. I've been locked up with the kid for too long. Now, when I decide to take my child to McDonalds so he can play on the inside jungle gym to get rid of his pent-up energy, I shouldn't have to worry about him getting crushed by a bunch of fat-assed teenagers on the kiddie gym. C'mon, you can barely fit your huge ass through the slide. Just watching you, I discovered that I now know where those ridiculous women that try to squeeze their humongous, flabby gunts into lycra and think they look sexy come from...there is no doubt in my mind that they, too, were obnoxious teenagers with no concept of HOW FUCKING BIG they had become. Shit, I'd attempt to give you an ass kicking but I'd be afraid that I'd never see my foot, again. So, take a look in the mirror, get a grip on reality....and get the FUCK off the kiddie gym. (PS-stay away from lycra.)

Another Christmas Ho for an Asswhoopin'



It's Wednesday, so it must mean that it's time for the weekly kicking of asses.
I'm going to forego a spanking for my beautiful sister-in-law, Melodie. She made me an aunt for the first time, last week, when she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Gracie Elaina. Poor Mel had a pretty rough time of it, enough that if I had seen that before I had my child, there is NO way in HELL that I would have ever given birth! So, for Mel...a big hug in lieu of a spanking.

Now, for an ass-whipping.
Denise aka "RockyPoint05" on yahoo: It amazes me that there are such desperate
creatures as this woman that would go online and chase a married man. Then, I got a look at her picture. Yeah...the fat fucking whale that washed up on the beach? That's her in the picture. After seeing that, I understand why she's alone. She probably ate her last boyfriend.
The really funny part is that she's not only a lard-ass, she's also pretty fucking dim. Hey Denise...I love how you beg for a chance to see a married man, again, because you enjoy his "stories". I'm trying to figure out the logistics of you two having sex...him with the miniscule dick and you with several layers of fat. But, porkers like you are so desperate for any type of male attention that you obviously aren't very choosy. I'm hoping that he gives you herpes from the coke whore that he was fucking. So, please don't pretend like you're getting around me, somehow. I am totally aware of you and your pathetic attempts to fuck my husband. You never know exactly where I'll pop up.

Whipping up some ChristmASS!


I have been through entirely too much shit, this week, to feel predisposed to give out spankings. Nope...I'm fucking pissed off and not in the mood to hand out pleasure. I have this POWERFUL
need to do some serious ass-kicking, so let's just get right down to it, shall we?

Dork Vader- If I had any concept of what a worthless motherfucking piece of shit that you were when I met you, I'd have killed your ass in a wanton blaze of anger. Shit...even if the jury would have ruled against me (and they wouldn't!) I'd be free by now. But no, like a dumb bitch, I married your simple ass, not thinking you would turn into the abusive, controlling, anal-retentive rat bastard that you are today. And...just when I think that things in this farce of a marriage can't get any worse....WHAM! You manage to stun me again with your absolute moronic behavior.
Motherfucker....do you THINK before you do the stupid shit that you do? Did you honestly think that I wouldn't find out about your latest whore? (Stand by, THAT bitch is next.) Hooking up with someone I can easily track and trace? Have you fucking forgotten that you married a COP? One that can not only out-think you but catches you every time you lie? Do you really believe that it isn't obvious that you are trying to fuck someone else when you start in with dieting and a sudden urge for exercise? Like you "going for a walk" every night, refusing to take the fucking DOG but never forgetting your cell phone isn't a big flashing clue. And, dumbass please....the old "I have a meeting of the FOP at a bar at 10pm and I need to take a shower before I go" isn't another moron sign. Yo, fucktard! I was a member of the FOP for 12 fucking years...I KNOW that they don't meet like that and no one there gives a shit if you took a second shower of the day before you arrived. How nice of you to wash your miniscule dick for the whore that you were meeting. Hope she brought the pepper and tweezers.
Oh, Oh, Oh! Let us not forget the $150 that you spent to join a sex solicitation site! I have to beg your stingy ass for every penny to do something with your kid, but hey! Money is no object when it comes to a sex internet site. By the way, I re-wrote your profile for you because you should be honest....for ONCE in your life:
"Hi! I'm a pathetic asshole that is in mid-life crisis. I am on my second wife because I have deep-seated emotional issues that I can't face, so I blame them on my wife. I'm a lying, cheating and frequently abusive jerk but please don't let that stop you from contacting me so I can assure you that I am God's gift to women. I know that I am because my mommy tells me so. Oh, just so you know...my mommy is unnaturally attached to my first wife. Since we are being truthful, I bitch more than any woman and nothing will ever be my fault. Everything bad that has happened to me is either the fault of my ex-wife, my current wife, or anyone I work with or for. Speaking of which, I will whine constantly that I am about to get fired because of "people out to get me" but I still think it's a great idea to use my agency's name in my screen name on an internet web site to solicit extra-marital sex with strangers."

Yeah, that feels much better. Now, onto the whore-who-will-fuck-married-men:
Hey sepagirl4u ! Yeah, you skanky piece of fucking trash on Yahoo IM...I'm talking to YOU! Tell me, what's it like to be such a low-life, white trash-can't-get-your-own-man-so-you-whore for-random-strangers-online? Didn't your daddy pay enough attention to you when he came to bang your mom after last call? I LOVE how you claim that you never hooked up with anyone online, but you've paid $150+ to list your VD-ridden ass on a sex site that you advertise that you are looking to fuck men and/or couples. Hmmm...what's the matter? Did they meet you in person and run screaming into the night? It wouldn't surprise me that even sick bastards would find you repulsive.
And, you want to claim that you "work" with my husband, again? Obviously, you have no fucking clue as to who you are dealing with...listen, little clerical-dispatcher whore, I've dealt with slutty badge-fuckers like you for many years. Don't try to pass yourself off as something important when I know that you'll hump anything that wears a uniform. So, yeah...there's a reason why your 36 year old, river rat, no class, badge bunny, can't get a man, flatbackin', fugly, pathetic whore ass is STILL single and has to advertise online for someone desperate enough to fuck you. Do yourself a favor and pray everyday that you don't run into me. Because I won't be responsible for the hell I unleash upon your worthless ass, sepawhore4uIfuwantVD

Another Edition of Whip-Ass Wednesday!

Okay, let's start with the fun spankings:
1) Laurie - Once again, sweet mama, you get a lovin' whack to that beautiful ass that I just can't get enough of...why? Because you posted those hellacious boobies for me, all decorated and shit. (And, sorry folks, if you didn't visit that blog before yesterday, you are fucked out of luck...it is all gone. Go read to see why. I guarantee that you will laugh your ass off!) Bend over, Mama- I've got a special gift for you!

2) fyrchyck - A new addition to the Assume the Position link list, fyrchyck deserves a special spanking. She just graduated from the police academy and was awarded for her Top Performance in her class! Go fyrchyck! And, hey...why hasn't your ass found your way to my forum, yet? Don't make me taze you! Now, bend over, baby....here comes your reward!

Onto the naughty list...those who need their asses kicked for pissing me off:

1) Ignorant-ass people testifying before Congress about Katrina: WHAT THE FUCK???? Where in the flying HELL are you people getting off by claiming "genocide" in the wake of a freaking NATURAL DISASTER? Are you trying to say that God hates black people and did this on purpose? People....quit fucking blaming shit on the goverment. No one could have prevented that hurricane. I'm sorry that your simple asses have lost your rickety-ass fucking homes, but quit trying to blame shit that can't have been prevented on your race. It just ain't gonna wash. All you are doing is pissing me off and that kind of behavior isn't going to get you help. Here's a clue: Don't live in an area where you might end up having Mother Nature tap dance on your ass and then pretend that you had no idea that the shit might happen! Quit your bitching and bend the fuck over so I can plant my foot up your ass for being so annoyingly moronic. GAH!